Post by Mara on Jan 30, 2004 20:57:25 GMT -5
I'd like some feedback on this... It's still in the first stages, but I'd like to know how this first part is, before I revert into the long flashback that will be the bulk of the story.
Any criticism is welcome.
Or any ideas also.
The Long Hard Road
The young couple lay there after a night full of passion, the woman in the man’s arms. Pale moonlight came through the blinds, illuminating a little of their faces. Some bare skin could be seen where the sheet didn’t come up high enough. The bed looked slightly rumpled but not exactly mussed up a lot; it just looked slept in, which it was. They looked so peaceful lying there snuggled up against each other his head resting on her soft red hair. She stirred slightly in her sleep, but his arms remained steadfast around her.
He never really slept that night for he was content just looking at her, his beautiful wife. Everything about her continued to amaze him to this day. The soft curves of her body, the luxuriant strands of hair, her undying love for him. It was this latter that amazed him the most. Why someone like her would love a guy like him. He sighed and shook his head, lightly so as not to wake her. Coming out of his reverie, he kissed her gently on the cheek and rested his head back close to hers; just enjoying her company and her herself. Lying there, he began to dream, remembering how it all began, remembering the long, hard road they traversed to get to where they were….
(Here I will, obviously, go back to where it all started…)
Any criticism is welcome.
Or any ideas also.
The Long Hard Road
The young couple lay there after a night full of passion, the woman in the man’s arms. Pale moonlight came through the blinds, illuminating a little of their faces. Some bare skin could be seen where the sheet didn’t come up high enough. The bed looked slightly rumpled but not exactly mussed up a lot; it just looked slept in, which it was. They looked so peaceful lying there snuggled up against each other his head resting on her soft red hair. She stirred slightly in her sleep, but his arms remained steadfast around her.
He never really slept that night for he was content just looking at her, his beautiful wife. Everything about her continued to amaze him to this day. The soft curves of her body, the luxuriant strands of hair, her undying love for him. It was this latter that amazed him the most. Why someone like her would love a guy like him. He sighed and shook his head, lightly so as not to wake her. Coming out of his reverie, he kissed her gently on the cheek and rested his head back close to hers; just enjoying her company and her herself. Lying there, he began to dream, remembering how it all began, remembering the long, hard road they traversed to get to where they were….
* * * *
(Here I will, obviously, go back to where it all started…)
