Post by SWFDM the bored on Jan 29, 2005 21:16:10 GMT -5
I wrote this, then read it in front of my creative writing class, and after some feedback I rewrote it and I'm going to submit it for a writing contest.
Tell me what you think
A General, a Rebellion, and a Giraffe
Billy-Bob was a giraffe. He was an average giraffe, not to big, to small, to big, to tall. He was the kind of giraffe that thought about things.
I guess that is why all the other animals on the savanna looked up to him in the same strange way that people looked up to Stalin and Mussolini.
It was an odd savanna with beavers, yeah, beavers. Well, Billy-Bob ruled this particular savanna with an iron fist. He ruled with his greedy beaver friend Verishnicough and his hippo friend the General.
Verishnicough was greedy, money hoarding beaver with an ego the side of the General’s rear. Billy-Bob kept him near because he was the only animal with a bigger ego than Billy-Bob.
The General was a hippo. What else was there to say? She was temperamental and stubborn, not to mention she couldn’t stand to be wrong. She was a weirdo though. She never stopped harassing or insulting Billy-Bob. So when Billy-Bob turned around and started insulting her she would storm off in a fit and they wouldn’t talk for weeks. Nobody knew why she stayed. She was the only one in the kingdom Billy-Bob would let leave. She always said she would, but never did. Nobody, not even Billy-Bob himself, knew why he didn’t banish her from his court.
One day, the General waddled her way into the palace and plopped herself down in the royal pool.
“Umm, what are you doing?” asked Billy-Bob.
“Sitting,” the General replied.
“What was that?” Billy-Bob had a smile on his face.
The General groaned. She lowered her head in a bow, then spun around and said, “Sitting.”
“Oh, well do you mind moving?”
“You’re such a commie!” she said as she moved towards the door in a staggering sort of waddle.
Later that day, Billy-Bob was sitting in his elaborate palace constructed of tumbleweed, well, actually he was standing since giraffe’s can’t bend their knees, when Verishnicough came in, his buck teeth chattering.
“The monkeys are asking you to lower taxes again,” he said without bothering to do the customary procedure for speaking in front of Billy-Bob. The procedure consisted of bowing, then spinning around in a circle with their arms out for ten seconds, and then if they were still standing they could speak. It was mostly done for Billy-Bob’s amusement, which is probably why the beaver never did it.
“Well triple the taxes then, especially the taxes on bananas. Then tell the llamas to buy me some apples,” Billy-Bob ordered.
“The llamas?”
“I’m a dictator Verishnicough, I can do and order what I wish.” And then it was done. Nobody questioned Billy-Bob more than once.
Then there was a series of thuds against the tumble weed walls. Suddenly a group of monkeys and llamas broke through the tumble weed walls and stopped in the middle of the royal pool.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Starting a rebellion,” they said in unison.
Billy-Bob gave them a strange look that said that he saw their lips moving, but didn’t hear what they were saying.
They groaned and as a group performed the procedure for talking to Billy-Bob and repeated that they were staging a rebellion.
“Well, that’s nice, but do you minds moving?” Billy-Bob asked. “I’m about to bathe.”
“Okay,” one of the llamas said.
As Billy-Bob moved to the pool his knee bent, as it would have bent were he an animal that had knees that bent, as it was hit with an apple. He turned his long neck to see another volley of apples hit his other legs.
“Well this is no good,” Billy-Bob said as he landed with a loud thud on the floor of his palace.
The group of animals snickered as Verishnicough and the General joined them, and it dawned on Billy-Bob that he wasn’t all wasn’t going to be in power for much longer. He sighed and laid his head down to see that he was looking into the eyes of the General. She opened her mouth and let loose a deep roar.
“Do you mind not doing that?” Billy-Bob asked. “Your breath smells.”
The General sighed. “You’ll never learn, will you Billy-Bob?” she said, and with that she walked off the other animals in tow, leaving Billy-Bob there alone, on the floor in his tumble weed palace with no way to get up.
Tell me what you think
A General, a Rebellion, and a Giraffe
Billy-Bob was a giraffe. He was an average giraffe, not to big, to small, to big, to tall. He was the kind of giraffe that thought about things.
I guess that is why all the other animals on the savanna looked up to him in the same strange way that people looked up to Stalin and Mussolini.
It was an odd savanna with beavers, yeah, beavers. Well, Billy-Bob ruled this particular savanna with an iron fist. He ruled with his greedy beaver friend Verishnicough and his hippo friend the General.
Verishnicough was greedy, money hoarding beaver with an ego the side of the General’s rear. Billy-Bob kept him near because he was the only animal with a bigger ego than Billy-Bob.
The General was a hippo. What else was there to say? She was temperamental and stubborn, not to mention she couldn’t stand to be wrong. She was a weirdo though. She never stopped harassing or insulting Billy-Bob. So when Billy-Bob turned around and started insulting her she would storm off in a fit and they wouldn’t talk for weeks. Nobody knew why she stayed. She was the only one in the kingdom Billy-Bob would let leave. She always said she would, but never did. Nobody, not even Billy-Bob himself, knew why he didn’t banish her from his court.
One day, the General waddled her way into the palace and plopped herself down in the royal pool.
“Umm, what are you doing?” asked Billy-Bob.
“Sitting,” the General replied.
“What was that?” Billy-Bob had a smile on his face.
The General groaned. She lowered her head in a bow, then spun around and said, “Sitting.”
“Oh, well do you mind moving?”
“You’re such a commie!” she said as she moved towards the door in a staggering sort of waddle.
Later that day, Billy-Bob was sitting in his elaborate palace constructed of tumbleweed, well, actually he was standing since giraffe’s can’t bend their knees, when Verishnicough came in, his buck teeth chattering.
“The monkeys are asking you to lower taxes again,” he said without bothering to do the customary procedure for speaking in front of Billy-Bob. The procedure consisted of bowing, then spinning around in a circle with their arms out for ten seconds, and then if they were still standing they could speak. It was mostly done for Billy-Bob’s amusement, which is probably why the beaver never did it.
“Well triple the taxes then, especially the taxes on bananas. Then tell the llamas to buy me some apples,” Billy-Bob ordered.
“The llamas?”
“I’m a dictator Verishnicough, I can do and order what I wish.” And then it was done. Nobody questioned Billy-Bob more than once.
Then there was a series of thuds against the tumble weed walls. Suddenly a group of monkeys and llamas broke through the tumble weed walls and stopped in the middle of the royal pool.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Starting a rebellion,” they said in unison.
Billy-Bob gave them a strange look that said that he saw their lips moving, but didn’t hear what they were saying.
They groaned and as a group performed the procedure for talking to Billy-Bob and repeated that they were staging a rebellion.
“Well, that’s nice, but do you minds moving?” Billy-Bob asked. “I’m about to bathe.”
“Okay,” one of the llamas said.
As Billy-Bob moved to the pool his knee bent, as it would have bent were he an animal that had knees that bent, as it was hit with an apple. He turned his long neck to see another volley of apples hit his other legs.
“Well this is no good,” Billy-Bob said as he landed with a loud thud on the floor of his palace.
The group of animals snickered as Verishnicough and the General joined them, and it dawned on Billy-Bob that he wasn’t all wasn’t going to be in power for much longer. He sighed and laid his head down to see that he was looking into the eyes of the General. She opened her mouth and let loose a deep roar.
“Do you mind not doing that?” Billy-Bob asked. “Your breath smells.”
The General sighed. “You’ll never learn, will you Billy-Bob?” she said, and with that she walked off the other animals in tow, leaving Billy-Bob there alone, on the floor in his tumble weed palace with no way to get up.
